It's a Trainwreck

Every week at SNL, the writers and cast put together hours worth of material- way more than can fir in the allotted time. Then, Saturday night, everything gets put into the dress rehearsal, and an hour's worth of sketches- anything that doesn't work in front of the audience- is cut right before showtime.

This video is from the Justin Bieber-hosted dress rehearsal, with a sketch that was way too bizarre for the audience of "prepubescent girls" that had come to see Bieber. It's decent, not great (though the Back to the Future line at the end caught me completely off guard). What really makes this video worth your time, though, is the commentary that Bill Hader and the writers give, explaining just how awfully the sketch went:

Kareem's Insight

According to IMDb, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has appeared in 147 different TV shows and movies (He was a suspect on Mannix in '71!) That's as good an entrance as any, I suppose, to have a monthly entertainment column in Esquire magazine. Some lines from the first two columns:

I was a teenager when I first read Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If”

One of the best models for male behavior in shows aimed at teens is ABC Family’s Bunheads, which features a group of ballet students and their charming teacher.

And that makes Django [Unchained] melodrama, not literature. It offers no insights, only the most familiar observations.

I have a vast collection of Wild West paraphernalia and have read extensively on the era.

Goes to show you can't judge a book by his purple-and-gold cover.

Sitcom March Madness

For the past few weeks, Vulture has been running a bracket to determine the best sitcom of the past 30 years. This morning they declasred a winner. Before you see who that winner was, take a minute and run through the 4 rounds they set up, and come up with your own opinion:

Cheers
The Office

Arrested Development
South Park

Friends
Golden Girls

Roseanne
Malcolm in the Middle

Cosby Show
Simpsons

Larry Sanders Show
Community

Sex and the City
30 Rock

Seinfeld
Louie

I Can't Go On Forever, And I Don't Really Want To Try

Alex Trebek has been hosting Jeopardy! since 1984, and it only makes sense that at some point he would be interested in not hosting Jeopardy!. Trebek has made clear that time will be 2016, when his latest contract with Sony expires.

But there's money to be made with Jeopardy!, so the search has begun for someone to play Ryan Seacrest to Trebek's Dick Clark. The New York Post says the front runner is Matt Lauer, whose contract on Today will be over by then. I imagine the contestant interviews being five minutes of Lauer saying, "Wow, you're smart," over and over.

A better choice would be Anderson Cooper, who the Post says is runner-up. Not mentioned? Ken Jennings, who would be the obvious choice in my mind. When you win 74 straight, you inherit the Chocolate Factory, pure and simple.

Conan Hates Elitists

But I Haven't Thought Of You Lately At All

A decade ago, season-long arcs were all the rage on television, but character was still something we cared about. The shows that missed out having strong characters...

Ah, screw it. I'm typing up a long thing explaining why Veronica Mars was so good, but the short version is: if you haven't seen it, you should. Especially try to get it all done before 2014, when the movie comes out.
That movie was fully funded on Kickstarter today- over $2 million in the span of 11 hours. That's some Duncan Kane money right there.

Spring TV's Top Ten

Here are the current television power rankings for spring programming as of today:



#10 Parks and Rec - This season isn't as inspired as the past couple, but it still provides great laughs every episode.  I can't get enough Ron Swanson!

#9 Top Chef Seattle -  The season just ended a couple of weeks ago and this Bravo show again reminded me of how bat-shit crazy Wolfgang Puck is.

 

 



#8)  The Walking Dead - This third season had a great fall campaign with Rick and company more focused on killing zombies instead of talking about the nature of God.  However the last few episodes seemed to have regressed back into the talking trap.  Get on with the coming war! By the way, in case you were still wondering - Daryl Mother F******* Dixon is still the best character on TV right now.

 

 

 

 

 

#7)  Survivor "Fans Vs. Favorites"  - Yes, I know some of you are TV snobs who hate the offerings of reality programming.  Get over yourself and get to CBS on Wednesday nights.  There are some serious wackos being starved to death for your entertainment!

 



#6  New Girl - This show is fun, heartfelt, and features great writing.  Exactly  what How I Met Your Mother used to be like.

#5 Stranded -  What could be better than watching a bunch of 20-somethings left stranded in a allegedly haunted location for five days and slowly watch them all lose their minds?  Not much.

#4  Spartacus God Of War -  Lets go through the checklist here:

• Graphic and Over-The-Top Violence and Blood - Check!
• Ridiculous dialog that makes you have to rewind the DVR to listen to it again - Check!
• Needless nudity  -Double Check!

This show is my guilty pleasure!

#3  All Star Celebrity Apprentice  -  Oops.  Nevermind.  This show is my guilty pleasure.

and how about this:

 

#2  The Following - I love this show - but I'm starting to have some concerns about it's goal to try and shock the audience with a twist each week.  Everybody can't be involved in the conspiracy, can they?  CAN THEY???  Are you one of them????? 

#1 House Of Cards - A Netflix original show starring Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright.  It is like Sopranos meets West Wing.  The performances, writing, and story are brilliant!  Start streaming this 13 episode season tonight!  I'm not sure how The Emmy's won't all be focused on this show next fall.

This whole list is subject to change once Mad Men and Game Of Thrones opens up shop over the next five weeks.

Meenan has that same Suit & Tie

Last night's SNL? Very, very good.

This specific sketch ('She's Got a D!%k')? Not funny, and vaguely homophobic.

But our ears will always perk up hearing Justin Timberlake calling out for Melanie:



You can watch the whole episode on Hulu.

Name the Floor Plan

Okay, TV Fans- whose apartment is this?

Answer after the jump:

The Nursing Home Was Ecstatic

It's been less than a week than we pointed out NBC's woes, but this is a sign of disaster.

In what must have started as a joke, then became a dare, then ended in a reality that I still can't believe, the NBC affiliate in Cleveland didn't even bother to show repeats of The Office last night, and chose to air an old 'special episode' of Matlock instead.

Bates vs Lange

Fans of the dark American Horror Story can start salivating right now for next years volume.  Kathy Bates is joining the cast in an adversarial role against Jessica Lange that will promise to be epic.

http://insidetv.ew.com/2013/02/26/american-horror-story-kathy-bates-season-3/

Cannot wait!!

Back When Jack Donaghy Ran The Network...

It's hard to pick just one quote out of this New York Times article on how bad things are at NBC right now. Here are two that I had to read a couple times to make sure I read that correctly:

Nothing NBC has put on in prime time has matched even the appeal of the “Talking Dead,” a show with people simply discussing “The Walking Dead.” That show managed a 2.2 rating in the 18-49 audience. NBC’s best prime-time number for the month has been a 2.1.
 

And:

Remarkably, the best-rated show on NBC all month has been “Saturday Night Live,” which produced two original versions in February, both times hitting a 2.3 rating, topping everything else on the network.

What I'm surprised they haven't tried yet are bringing back old casts for reunion specials- or better yet, short runs of new episodes, like Arrested Development is doing. Tell me that there's not enough money to get the six Friends back together for a month, or that Bill Cosby & Phylicia Rashad couldn't visit the grandkids, or Ted Danson doesn't want to...

 

Siblings or not, when you leave two bunnies alone long enough...

Drew Magary over at Deadspin deconstructs the childrens' new classic Max & Ruby. Be warned: the language is not appropriate for anyone of Max & Ruby's age:

Max & Ruby is a quiet show, which is a big deal to parents like me. I don't want some show that has s***loads of loud kiddie music and rampaging, seizure-inducing, anime-style jump cuts every tenth of a second. It's an easy show to ignore if you're in the room while it's on. It's not anywhere near as overly stimulating as a show like Wow Wow Wubbzy, which is f***ing awful.
 

You can read the full thing here.

Gutsy Move. Let's See If It Pays Off For You.

I spend all day working with really smart kids, so Teen Week on Jeopardy! is almost never impressive to me. One of the contestants from last night's championship game made it all worth it:




You have to ignore the fact that his math is completely off, and just be amazed at the confidence.

Sex In The Towerless City

CW's decision to omit The World Trade Center Towers from their new show The Carrie Diaries is certainly a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.  The premise of the story takes place in the 80's long before the terrorist attacks of 9/11 so to keep them out of the skyline is rewriting history and is kind of a weird thing to do - but to keep the image of those buildings in the show also reminds all of the audience of the events and terror we faced 11 + years ago which is probably not the mood the producers of the Sex In The City prequel have in mind for the viewers.

So in teen world of Carrie Bradshaw the Towers never existed.  I'm not sure what to think about that.  Maybe they should have just gone with the way Fringe did it with the multi-universe premise.  However, I'm not sure how many bizzaro versions of Sarah Jessica Parker I can take.

Anyway, here is a really interesting article on the delicate relationship television has had with The World Trade Center.

A good week to be an exec for FX

Someday I will a more in depth obituary for the death of network TV.  Today however, lets all celebrate the beautiful and creative storytelling that is pouring out of various cable channels.  It's no longer just HBO, Showtime, or even AMC that is providing rich and compelling television.  FX should now be considered one of the elites and this is their week to shine.

On Wednesday night The American Horror Story: Asylum story comes to an end.  It's the second volume/season of from the franchise that came straight from the apparently twisted mind of Ryan Murphy.  It is by far the meanest and dark hearted television show that I've ever seen on the small screen, part of me will be relieved that it is going to go away for a while.  However, there is another part of me that seriously will miss the creative storylines and the really compelling characters that are a part of The American Horror Story universe.  This season focused on the inner demons of Briar Cliff, a church-run haven for the criminally insane that is managed under the strict rule of Sister Jude, who is played brilliantly by Jessica Lange.  The 13-episode volume featured serial killers, aliens, Nazi's, the devil, and lab-created monsters.  Those things were pretty scary, but what unnerves me the most in the show is the fairly accurate depiction of how the mental health field operated in the 60's.  I'm certain had I grown up then I would have had a couple lobotomy's by now. 

 

http://www.fxnetworks.com/ahs

As if FX wasn't having a good enough week with the end of the second volume of American Horror Story they get the celebrate the return of Archer on Thursday Night. If you have not seen a second of this irreverent and hilarious animated series I suggest that you drop everything you are doing right now (unless you are holding a baby) and run to Netflix or Hulu right now.  It is definitely for those among us who appreciated the gift that Arrested Development was.  If you have never heard or watched Arrested Development before I think you may be a robot who does not enjoy joy or laughter.  Find your creator and ask him to rewrite your program soon.  Archer follows the store or international spy Sterling Archer and the rest of his fellow co-workers as they combat terrorism, other spies, and each other.  It is really funny and I'm celebrating it's return this week!

 

 

http://www.fxnetworks.com/archer/